Surprising Ourselves

A few weekends ago I ventured up north to rest and recharge on the Ottawa River….returning to a familiar spiritual place where a majestic waterfall meets the flowing river banks, surrounded by a multitude of trees with glowing ambers of fall. Tucked away in a cove with the houseboat, all was still but the rushing water nearby and the bustling of little animals gathering the last remaining nuts and seeds before the snow begins its descent.

At the beginning of this journey I had a friend with me…which is always so wonderful, to connect, to share and enjoy the stillness together, but she needed to return home on the second half of this trip. At first thought, I just flowed with whatever was happening…all was in divine order. I trusted that she needed to go and that I was meant to have this experience of complete solitude deep within the richness of the forest.

I was excited by the thought of this new adventure! Wow, to spend time here, in this sacred place all on my own, without the comforts of other people around, normally keeping me company. What was this going to be like, I wondered. My body and soul was craving some alone time….well….here we go….manifested it!

There I was, minus one person, gliding along in a tiny aluminum 14 foot fishing boat, feeling the fullness of gratitude in my heart. All was still on the river…not another soul in sight as the crimson sun set reflected off the glass water. As I returned to the houseboat, quietly tucked away in the tree-laced cove, the sun had set and darkness was approaching, I felt a strange wave of insecurity rush through me….what was I doing? A girl all alone in the wilderness, on a houseboat in the middle of nowhere. What if something happened? What if my sensitivities to spirit heightened like never before and here I was all alone? What was I thinking?

In that moment I breathed – a long……….deep inhale and exhale. I felt the calmness of my breath soothe my thoughts and move through my fears. Where was I? I am in a place that is so beautiful, surrounded by the magic of nature and the simplicity of creation. I was in a place where I had traveled to hundreds of times. I was in a place of comfort. A place I had retreated to for stillness and healing many times before. I was well taken care of. The energy and spirits around me, who walk with me and who surround me now in nature, are here with me, like every other time before….watching over me, showering me with light and protection of love. I began to feel the stillness and inner peace again.

As I reflected on this emotional experience I wondered, and laughed at my reaction. How fast we can shift our perceptions from simple thoughts that are often irrational. I was safe. I was in one of the most beautiful, quiet places on the planet. I was in a place that is so special to me….how fast my fear-based thoughts had shifted that, stirring every cell in my body.

I recalled how similar this feeling and reaction is to any other time of change or stepping into a place or action of unknown…something that throws us out of our comfort zone. The initial reaction most often is of fear, because by its very nature, it is unknown to us. We have no bearing or past-memory compass to navigate or know what this experience is going to be like. It is in this exact moment, if we are open to it, that the opportunity for growth and expansion can occur. It is then in our hands to draw up the courage from within, look into the face of this unknown or darkness and step into it anyways! Before we know it we are through the other side, looking back, thinking/saying, “Wow! That was a rush! That was amazing! I feel exhilarated!” It is in that moment that we have learned something new about ourselves, our surroundings, our reactions, our process and how we want to be in the world.

So the night came and went with relative ease….no real disturbances from unrested spirits or ghosts…only a tiny little mouse rummaging through the dishes in search of food. The night air was still. The darkness quite comforting. The gentle rocking of the boat lullabying me to sleep. I was so present to every little detail. I slept soundly, awaking at 5:45….a time that I used to naturally wake up at when my body was in natural alignment….hmmmmm….interesting I noticed. I decided to listen to the gentle rain as I drifted off to sleep for a few more hours.

Before departing this sacred land, I hiked up the falls to my resting meditation place…chanting, praying, breathing, taking in all that I could. Sending gratitude for the beauty all around me, for the elements and the healing properties of this place. I watched the dragonflies dance among the water air currents and listened to the rushing water over the ancient rocks. Everything was flowing in divine order, like it always had in this place. Nothing had changed but the colours of the leaves on the trees and the aroma of fall in the air. Everything was as it was intended to be. And so was I. I felt alive, rebalanced, recharged.

As I began my walk back down toward the boat I was aware and mindful of each step. Further integrating my being and existence with the undisturbed land around me….conscious of every step…feeling the softness of the ground below. Looking back at the falls, I said my farewell, until next year. I love this place sooo much! I was so grateful to be the only person there, with nature, one with all that was around me!

When I approached the boat, round two of stepping into a new place. I had docked, tied and untied this houseboat a hundred times….the difference today was that I was alone trying to do it. Recalling my reaction from last night and seeing myself more than alive and well today, I knew that I would be okay…I could do this! I called on my energetic guides, angels and supports, I aligned with the elements of nature and breathed through my being with all that I knew about water currents, ties, airflow and the dynamics of releasing the boat from the ropes that kept it steady within the cove. I remained calm, centered and grounded. Aware of every step along the rocks, in the water, in the smaller boat. Aware of every knot, coming undone. Aware of the elements holding and pushing and pulling on the boat. With the final two out of four ropes left, the motor going, the small boat tied to the side away from the larger motor of the houseboat, I stepped into the cool water one last time. I loosened the third rope, wrapped it around my body as if holding a barge with the strength of an Amazon warrior goddess, ever so gracefully untying the last rope, placed the boat in reverse and gently guided the 5-ton houseboat out of the cove and into the wide open river with ease and grace.

I shocked myself! I was SO surprised that I did this….all on my own! Oh my god! I was SO amazed at my own courage, strength and will. I was SO proud of myself for completely this seemingly insurmountable task that had to be done. I did it!

And as I sit here, smoothly coasting along the water, with the same stillness of nature drifting by, sipping on a hot tea and preparing to eat homemade blueberry pancakes, writing this article….I think and feel within myself….”Wow, life is good! Life is really good!” And it was through the daunting and somewhat scary challenges that were placed before me, that I stepped with courage and am able to sit here and take it all in and appreciate the fullness of life! All of it! Reflecting on the amazement of our own beings and the life experiences that we move through!

I encourage you to step into the unknown, step into experiences that you’ve never had, go to places that you’ve always wanted to but let fear stop you. It is in these times that we grow and live life more fully. We expand ourselves in ways we will never know unless we try, unless we step into it! Through courage we feel more freedom!

Start with the simple things in your life. Think about some of the things you’ve always wanted to do but stopped yourself for some reason or another. And then look at why you didn’t move forward. Choose to step through these self-imposed barriers and set yourself free to more and more and more……

Be courageous, be adventurous, be an explorer to your own life. Be limitless. Live a “full” – filling life!!!!!!

I think you’ll surprise yourself….